Often pianists obsess about a performance that did not go as well as they would like. What I discover however is that every pianist, even the greatest pianist you can imagine, has had performances that did not go as planned. Perhaps a wrong note was played, there was a momentary loss of concentration, the pianist became nervous or simply felt that the music did not come alive in the way they had hoped. Afterward, it is very easy to replay that performance in your mind again and again, thinking, “Why did I do that?” or “I should have played this differently.” But there is an important difference between learning from a performance and becoming trapped by it. A performance is an event that has already happened. You cannot go back and change it, but you can decide what you will take from it.

Here is The Lightbulb Moment for me this week. Sometimes pianists become so focused on a disappointing performance that they allow it to affect the next one. They begin thinking, “What if I make that mistake again?” Suddenly, instead of listening to the music, they are listening to their own fear. This is especially dangerous because performing requires us to be present. Imagine trying to walk forward while constantly looking behind you. You would eventually lose your balance. The same thing can happen at the piano. If you are constantly thinking about what went wrong yesterday, you are not completely available for what is happening today. Your job as a musician is not to reproduce an old performance perfectly; your job is to discover the music in a new and fresh way each time you sit at the piano.

Of course, this does not mean that we should simply forget our mistakes. A disappointing performance can be an excellent teacher if we study it calmly. Ask yourself: Was I sufficiently prepared? Did I become nervous? Was there a technical problem? Did I misunderstand the character of the music? Perhaps you discovered that you need to practice a particular passage differently or develop a better strategy for managing your nerves. Once you have identified the lesson, take the lesson and leave the disappointment behind. There is no reason to punish yourself repeatedly for something from which you have already learned. Growth comes from honest reflection, not from endlessly criticizing yourself.

As a young musician, I am learning to give myself permission to move forward. A musical life will contain wonderful performances, ordinary performances, and performances that you wish you could do again. All of them are part of becoming an artist. 

The goal is not to become a pianist who never makes mistakes; the goal is to become a pianist who knows how to continue after making one. When you walk onto the stage, the audience does not need the pianist you were yesterday. They need the pianist you are right now. 

Take a breath, listen carefully, trust your preparation, and begin. The past can teach you, but it should never be allowed to play the music for you.