“Don't let people's compliments go to your head, 
and don't let their criticisms go to your heart." 
—Lysa TerKeurst

Recently I have found myself receiving a lot of compliments on my playing from many different people. They go to my website, read my blog, and then send emails saying truly wonderful things.

This has started me thinking about the nature of compliments, what they really represent, and how to respond to them, and I have a few thoughts which I would like to share which I hope will help other aspiring artists like myself.

First of all, when you think about it, compliments, even though they are usually just simple statements, are a powerful form of human interaction. They have the ability to uplift the spirit, give confidence, and also affirm one’s work and talent, especially as a performer, and thereby make us feel valued and appreciated.

At the same time though, particularly when it comes to performers, compliments should be handled with great care. Essentially they are opinions, not facts, and these same opinions can vary widely from person to person. One listener, for example, who has a high opinion of your performance of a particular piece can be completely contradicted by someone who thinks the same performance is not good at all.

The reality of this truth is what makes for The Lightbulb Moment this week. You, your career, and your value as a person should never rely on what people say to you when you receive compliments, any more than you should determine your value on the basis of criticism. The goal must always be one whereby you are working to do and be your best, and not be concerned with what everyone thinks about it. Your job is not to get people to compliment you or even criticize you, but instead to simply decide what your best is, and to put forth that best all the time, even if no one says anything at all about it, good or bad.

Relying on compliments to determine your value means that you can be swayed by every opinion of your work, while also allowing other people to decide how valuable your efforts are. This can lead to your building a very fragile foundation for yourself and your career that relies on opinions related more to people and their ideas about what they think you should be, rather than who you really are. 

One of the hardest tasks in life is learning to learning to believe in yourself, even when other people might not believe in you, or even be there to see what you are doing and how hard you are working. Compliments can be helpful, insightful, and often even completely correct, but they should never take the place of your own ability to determine areas where you are good, and where you need to improve. In fact, believing your own press, even when it is good, and people are praising you constantly, is one of the best ways to lose sight of your responsibility to constantly try and be better. Your goal must be increased self-knowledge, not praise.

Always accept compliments with gratitude for them—never dependence on them. 

They are gifts. They are not identities.